“That’s life, honey,” - Familiar with this sentence? Got slapped with it whenever you talked about your problems? Sad to admit that this mindset is deep rooted in our society and people have been conditioned to glorify and romanticize hardships.
We think that it is about time we address this issue. It is not something new and we are sure that most of you have experienced this or it could even be you who have said it. The glorification and romanticism of hardships have become part of our society for the longest time - saying that it is normal for us to go through hardships in life and that it is something that we should be grateful for. Our society also tends to dismiss others’ feelings during hard times.
Yes! Adversities are bound to come in our lives, but it does not mean that we have to love them. Accepting the fact that hardships are always going to be a part of life is one thing but making people think that always being in difficult situations is a good thing… hmm. Nope!
Recently there was a tweet that went circulating where it showed two different captions for one single picture. You can see how our interpretations of something can greatly differ. One was saying that you should do all you can to survive, even if it means to be in pain. The other was calling others’ attention to help the young man to survive so that he would not have to struggle so hard just to stay alive.
Read more about the tweet here
These two different takes on hardship is what makes our society today. Those who think people should just accept what is fated for them because they are tests from God tend to forget that it could also be a test for them too. To see if they would go out of their way to do something. To see if they would try to help. To see if they would make a change. Why must we let people struggle to death just to stay alive when we can do something about it?
Now, how is this normalized culture severely affecting our society? First and foremost, this act of enabling romanticism of hardships leads to a worse deed which is denying one’s hardships. To illustrate, some people are often quick to judge one’s struggles and even dare to belittle them by saying “I had it worse”, “Sikit je tu’, “That’s nothing compared to mine”, or “Itu je?”. There are so many more condescending remarks people love to leave in order to dismiss others’ problems.
These three reactions towards hardships - glorification, romanticism & dismissal - are interrelated. Consequently, these thoughtless behaviours will definitely affect one’s mental health. Our people go all out to dismiss others’ hardships without being aware how their words can tear someone’s hopes and faith to keep living their life. They might feel that their grief and sadness are unnecessary, dramatic and insignificant. No. Everyone’s tears and pain are valid. No one can tell you otherwise.
This is why you should never judge and leave comments on someone’s life and struggles because you have no idea what they are going through. Hardships in life are indeed, out of our control. But the way we perceive and handle them is. Others can say all they want about our life, but we should be the one determining our life. Stop dismissing hardships just because ‘they make you stronger’ and ‘you are fated to be in this situation’. Feeling feelings does not make you a chicken, they make you humane.
Human actions are God's creations but humanity's acquisitions (from The Creed of Imam Al-Tahawi). Qada’ and qadr are there, written for us. However, that does not mean that we should just tawakkal without doing anything in our lives. People will think that their problems are inevitable and that they are not capable of solving it - so it stays unsolved, forever. Remember that before you leave it to Him, you must do something about it first. Nothing comes rolling into your life. Live your life based on your satisfaction and expectation instead of others’ because at the end of the day, they will never be in your shoes, but you will.
It is easy to say that hardships make you stronger. It feels okay to ridicule your friend’s problem. It looks minor to you but it leaves a major impact on them. Your nothing is their everything. We glorify obstacles, we romanticise people’s struggles but we are also the ones dismissing them. Ironic, yeah?
Words sometimes feel light enough to come out of our mouth but people who go through it suffer from exhaustion, emotional distress, trauma and prolonged pain. Let’s not also forget that some people tell others to put up with their struggles because ‘that is your fate’. Saying that we are fated to struggle is like saying that we are born to suffer. Life is a beautiful journey, good and bad things happen - inevitably and often denied - but “That’s life, honey”.
Proofread by Ilyana Elisa & Illya-Wardina
Published by Aisyah Hanim
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